


Flanboiant Fairies

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-08
Updated: 2004-08-08
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: Mulder and Krycek go on holiday





	Flanboiant Fairies

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Flanboiant Fairies 

by Ursula 

 

 

Mulder gently nudged Alex toward the open suitcase. He said, "Just put the first piece of clothing in there and you'll feel better."

 

Alex didn't move. He said, "Vacation? We don't go on vacation. Remember the camping trip? Snakes, mosquitoes, no see ums, and poison sumac. We itched for a week. We made the calamine people rich. Mulderon and Bane laughed at me."

 

Mulder said, "This is different. We are going to a" Mulder consulted the brochure and read, "A summer paradise of color, cosmopolitan, multilingual, and stylish European cuisine."

 

Alex sneered and said, "Ha, bugs. You hate bugs! You can't tell me that this place isn't full of bugs."

 

Mulder sat on the bed and patted the space next to him. He said, "Come here. Tell me what's wrong?"

 

Alex's eyes narrowed and he said, "Why does something have to be wrong?"

 

Mulder flopped back on the bed and teased, "Alex, when you sulk, you are so cute! Come here!"

 

Alex approached slowly as if Mulder was forcing him at gunpoint. Mulder pulled him down and lifted Alex's shirt and blew a bubble on his stomach. Alex tried to stay stern, but he giggled. Mulder did it again. Alex said, "That isn't sexy!"

 

"It makes you laugh and you're so sexy, incredibly sexy, when you laugh." Mulder replied.

 

Alex meditatively fingered a strand of Mulder's hair and asked, "Really? I'm incredibly sexy when I laugh?"

 

Mulder smiled and said, "Yeah, which is why I want to take you some place with no one to bother us. No Skinner, no Scully, no Consortium; just you, me, a lot of lube, good food, and sunshine. Alex, this trip is about us. You wanted to spend more time together and I haven't had a real vacation in years"

 

"Okay, it's just that I was thinking that this was like a honeymoon and it made me nervous. I mean that I want to be with you, but not like regular people." Alex replied. 

 

*Oh shit! * That cracked Mulder up. *Sure, Alex, as if there was risk of that, * he thought, *just your average gay paranormal investigator come paranoid FBI agent and his paramour, the retired double agent. * 

 

Two voices announced that which enhanced the weirdness. "Honey, we're home."

 

Alex said, "There goes the neighborhood." He sat up and undressed, respecting the fairy culture. Mulder laughed and stripped too.

 

Mulderon said, "Scullytinia said that we were neglecting you, Mulder. We don't want to do that."

 

"Um?" Mulder said, as all his limbs were secure by little manacles and womanacles, all writhing in a daisy chain of lust. The semi animate objects kissed the pulses on his wrists and held down his ankles. The clutching things were furry and warm. It felt very good, as did the fairy kisses that Mulderon and Bane were bestowing. Mulder groaned as the fairies played climb the maypole. His beribboned cock, now erect, was just their height. Mulderon held it up so Bane could slide down it. 

 

Mulderon conjured nipple rings for Mulder. Not mere jewelry but amazing bands of light, just like Saturn's rings. Alex had been leaning down to lick and sucked in one of the rings when they appeared. He choked as he swallowed the gaseous rings. "That's cold," Alex complained. The ring appeared as he coughed again, swore at him and reattached to Mulder's nipples. 

 

Alex had obviously decided to play it safe. His next kiss was on Mulder's lips. Alex was watching Mulderon and Bane from the corner of his eyes. Mulder understood why. Those little guys were as sexy per inch as most guys were by the foot. Mulder was going cross-eyed with watching. He gasped, as Mulderon and Bane invented ring around his rosy, no, his purple cock. Their version was a slow hip-grinding dance with Mulder-cock as a third dance partner. And they believed in dirty dancing, close and personal.

 

Mulderon yelled, "Ahoy, mate, there he blows!"

 

Getting in the spirit, Alex yelled, "Prepare for boarding!"

 

The womanacles eased their grip to help Mulder into position. Alex sat up to reach for the bedside dresser, but before he had it opened, Bane offered, "Let me."

 

A cartoon-like Great Dane dog eased through the air, gliding. He talked through the mouthful of tube he carried. Alex tried to remember the cartoon. * Oh no, stupid theme song, his dog, Astro. The lubrication was Astro-gliding and Alex was wearing a rubber that was textured with little apartments. It was a condominium. Alex took his punishment like a man and slid into his favorite safe harbor. His little sailor dance a jig inside of Mulder until he came.

 

Mulderon and Bane conjured tiny mops and performed clean up duties with gusto. It tickled like hell, but it wasn't half bad as a sensation. Mulder wasn't content to lie around. He stood up and pulled Alex to his feet, reminding, "Time to pack."

 

Mulderon announced, "Bane and I are going also. We have a friend to see in Brazil."

 

Bane said, "I haven't met this person yet, but Mulderon tells me that I will like her." He conjured a soda cracker-pop. He snapped the cracker to pop loose the drink. A tiny ethereal woman shrieked, "Don't drink me!" and ran away. Morosely, Bane said, "Damn another Sprite, and I wanted a Mountain Dew"

 

Mulderon kissed his lover and patted his back. "Don't worry, be happy and gay. You'll get the hang of it. Here, this one is one on me." Mulderon conjured the drink and a cool refreshing view of a mountain in the morning appeared. It wrung all the dew off of the summit onto Mulderon's head. 

 

Bane snickered and said, "Hey, someday I'm going to be just like him! Mmm, just how I like to drink it" He slurped the fizz voraciously from Mulderon's shivering skin. 

 

Alex sighed and said, "Fairies lead a fucking hard life."

 

Mulder agreed with a nod and said, "Hey, don't despair yet. I'm sure that we can find some last minute way to book out heroically."

 

Alex morbidly wondered, "Would I still be missing an arm as a fairy?" He touched his false limb and grimaced. He said, "This is going to look great at the beach."

 

Mulder smacked him on his ass and said "Cheer up. We'll go to a nude beach, baby, where no one would be looking at that part of your anatomy."

 

Alex said, "I'm going take you up on that." He finally packed carefully, adding the summer tuxedo suit-bag to the heap. Mulder expected them to go to a casino as part of the tour.

 

The fairies had also packed. They had Fox Gloves, Pansy-Hose, and a Cum-here-bund for formal wear and Nothing-At-All for daily un-wear. Of course, they needed their elusive hidabed for sleeping and the box of sex toys. They would take the Flying Fennec for transportation and would probably get there before the mortals did.

 

Bane had fixed breakfast. Mulder sat down and reached for the bag of Trix and a handful of blushing bridal sweets. The cof-fee was too strong and he hated paying a toll for each sip. He really preferred Te, but most of that was due south now. Mulder winced as he bit into a garlic flavored Trix. He stared into his bowl as the white-colored puffs turned to goofy rabbits. The rabbit-puffs devoured everything else. Mulder said, "I gather that was fairy cereal?"

 

Bane was chasing his cinnamon roll, which agilely evaded him until he finally slowed it down with a raisin snail. Bane smiled in a slightly strained manner and remarked, "I try to think of it as life's fantastic adventure."

 

Mulderon was eating his breakfast of fruit loops at his computer. The fruit loops were ideal for multitasked eating as they consisted of garishly colored tightly muscled circles that were penetrated by throbbing corn-whole flavored phallic shaped bits. They all connected and Mulderon slurped them up in a rope. The really neat thing about this food was the way it manufactured its own cream.

 

Bane stopped torturing his raisin snail and yelled, "Mulderon, no!"

 

It was too late. A line of gesticulating black-clad, white-faced creatures multiplied out of a portal. They mugged, pranced, and gyrated as they attempted to convey the document they encoded. Yes, Mulderon had downloaded a multipart mime message.

 

Bane pulled up his dick and shot the mimes with the magic bullets left over from a bout of venereal disease from his human days. He had good aim and an amazing amount of ammunition. He wasted those terrible mimes.

 

Mulder sighed with relief. Alex arrived looking delicious freshly showered. He padded his chair with the towel and sat down, looking more edible than the food. Alex reached for a bowl of fruit. He wanted the pairs, but only wanted one and they wouldn't split for him. There were no bananas today and the apples had all turned into Macintoshes, which would have been too hard to byte. He saw a bunch of purple glowering near the bottom of the dish.

 

Alex pulled the fruit up, a bit disconcerted as the dish became a dust bowl. As he tried to separate a grape, it turned on him, biting him, kicking him, and generally behaving an ire-raisin-able way. He tossed the fruit down but it came right back at him until Bane yelled, "Stein-back, every one, I'll De-vine these grape's end." He conjured happy feet to oppress the angry migrant fruit. Alex looked at the mess and said, "I should have known better than to eat the Grapes of Wrath."

 

Mulderon conjured Alex a Chocolate Declare, which sighed as it passed the heavenly lips and fervently said, "Oh, I just cream for you!"

 

Mulder tried to decide if it was reasonable to be jealous of a food. He had given up being jealous of Mulderon. The fairy had as bad a temper as Mulder did. Alex finished the treat and had a smear of chocolate just on the side of his mouth. Mulder tasted the smear and then tongued it clean, his mouth sealing to Alex's. Chocolate, cream, and Alex, oh yes!

 

At the airport, Alex insisted that Mulder go into the bathroom with him. He had an irrational fear of meeting a woman in the men's room for some reason. 

Mulder would have held his hand to comfort him but that was busy. He decided that holding Alex's dick was even more comforting. An hour later, they ran up the gangplank, just barely getting into the plane on time. Alex flopped into the first class seat, giggled and said, "So far, so good."

 

Mulder had booked Sao Paulo as the launch point. He had decided they would travel on their own. Alex had a tendency to find tour guides irritating. When the guides irritated Alex, they had an equal tendency to develop mysterious bodily ailments. After some shopping, Mulder thought they would go to the state of Santa Catarina and check out its island capital of Florianópolis. He had heard that beaches at Laguna, Itapena and Camburu were beautiful and not as tourist ridden as the ones near Rio and Sao Paulo. Mulder intended to screw, lounge on the beach, screw, drink, eat, and screw. He hoped Mulderon wouldn't find trouble for them. The little guy was even more of a knight-errant of errors than 

Mulder was.

 

Meanwhile back at the ranchero, Mulderon could see his lover was sulking. As a soldier in a special unit, Bane had traveled, but seldom for pleasure. He had been dreaming of hanging out in Rio De Janeiro and sipping margaritas on the beach. Mulderon supposed they could do that, but he had an ulterior motive for this visit.

 

Mulderon grandly bowed and offered his hand to Bane. Bane rolled his eyes, but took it. They had landed in a pretty garden. It was full of birds, purple martins, sparrows, and rains of humming birds, like animated gems on whirring wings. A woman sat frowning in front of an easel. Whales and Dolphins leapt out from the canvas. She had a smudge of cerulean blue on her cheek and had a paintbrush tucked behind her slightly pointed ear. Her brown hair was as glossy as a mink's; it somehow had the look of sea froth and was distinctly greenish.

 

"Honesty!" Mulder greeted. "You look as beautiful as ever."

 

Honesty twitched her nose and said, "Tell the truth, darling."

 

Mulderon grinned and said, "I did. Here, my queen, meet Bane, the beautiful."

 

Bane flew up to kiss Honesty's hand. She allowed it, but then held out her palm. Her eyes were quite wide and admiring. She examined Bane on one side and then on the other. "Oh, my," Honesty said, "this is quite the most beautiful fairy I have ever seen."

 

Bane preened his feathers and stood very tall for a being the size of an erection. He said, "You are the most beautiful human woman I have ever seen." Bane frowned and said, "But, you seem different, almost one of us."

 

Honesty looked at her painting and two tears slid down her cheeks. The teardrops became pearls that she added to a velvet pouch around her neck. Mulderon flew up and kicked at Bane. Honesty said, "Mulderon, that was very naughty. He has a right to know." She smiled and said, "I was born a sea-nymph, my head full of froth. My mother was Pearl and my father is Neptune. One day, I was combing my hair and met a nice human male. He visited every day and I knew he was the one for me. When I gave my heart to him; I became human and mortal.

 

I'm really happy with my decision. It was hard not to see my friends any more and father threw a trident over my choice, but I couldn't stay a sea sprite and marry my husband. I now have a beautiful daughter and I am very happy."

 

Bane saw the tiny wrinkles just barely forming by her eyes and he looked at Mulderon and thought of his mortal days. He was glad that his fate was to be fey. He and Honesty had a lot in common, having switched sides of the continuum.

 

Honesty said, "My problem is that there is some unhappy creature about. I can almost see him. He is always just out of sight. I hear him weeping at night and also there is some cat caterwauling outside my walls. It is getting so I can't even sleep. I thought if you visited a while, that you might find whatever lonesome soul is trapped in my garden and rescue him. And, certainly, you will find my home and garden a paradise for fairies."

 

Honesty laid a fairy feast, serving them sugared violets, chocolate Brazil nuts, a minnow roasted in cocoa leaf, and a tiny banana flambé. Replete, the fairies shook out their hidabed and set it up in the penthouse. Perhaps, Honesty had meant it as a birdhouse, but when Mulderon had made it so, it was the height of luxury. Mulderon even enchanted a hive of wasps into hotel servants. They made stinging remarks but otherwise were as hard working as bees. 

 

Bane took out the emerald sword he had wheedled out of Scullytinia, by means that he certainly had no intention of discussing with Mulderon. He chopped up the boa vines on the theory that they might be creepy were-snakes. 

Honesty winced but pretended to agree to the theory.

 

The two fairies skulked in the Flanboiant tree and tried to spot the cause of Honesty's grief. A Purple Martin persisted in investigating Bane's fairy wand.

"Keep your pecker off my pecker!" he growled, threatening the bird. 

 

Mulderon said, "I'll protect it." He engulfed his lover's cock in his mouth. The noise in the garden swelled as their sexual magic spread through the flora, the fauna, and even got the rocks got off on their correct spelling. 

 

Entwined in each other and wings soaring, the fairies danced in the sky followed by flocks of Curruiras, Curiós and Azulões. As they landed, Mulderon saw something fey watching them. It darted as fast as the humming birds as they plummeted back to earth. Mulderon used his wings to brake them as Bane was limp and dazed, a well-fucked fairy. 

 

Bane begged a moment later, "You said, a private beach. The garden is nice, but I want to lie out in the sun on white sand.

 

Mulderon said, "No problem, I brought a beach towel!"

 

Bane helped Mulderon shake out the beach towel. The instant it was laid on the side of the birdbath, the towel became a smooth beach, complete with seashells, white sand, no rocks, and the lulling womb-beat sound of the ocean. An umbrella sprouted, and the birds rose with alarm as a tiny whale spouted in the magically Mobius strip-enlarged body of water.

 

Mulderon rubbed sun tan oil on Bane and the new fairy was certain that this was the equal of his fantasy when he was mortal. Sure, he imagined a big-breasted babe in Mulderon's place, but that was only because he had never experienced the penetrated joys of being a fairy. Bane smiled at his lover and kicked his feet in the perfect tepid water. "Just how I wanted it." Bane said.

 

Mulderon saw the little problem now, but he didn't say a word. There was a bedraggled little fairy. It had big eyes like pieces of coal, tattooed stripes on his cheeks, and a nose that was nearly as outstanding as Mulderon's. He was brown as a Brazil nut and had bowl-cut ebony hair. He was, of course very beautiful, but he was not missing the mark of fairy. He was gay, but not happy.

 

Bane slowly turned and saw the sad little creature. He leaped forward and almost caught the elusive weeping thing. However, it had humming bird wings and could fly like a blur. It dived into the hydrangeas and no amount of searching could locate it. Even when Mulderon conjured a location map, the direction demon merely scratched his scaly head and said, "The pain of rain falls mainly on the spiritual plane."

 

Bane was happy that Mulderon didn't reproach him for his impulsive move. They told Honesty about the discovery and she looked shocked. She said, "It must be a Yanomamo fairy, but I just don't understand it. Firstly, the Yanomamo are not native to this region and secondly, I understand that they have low tolerance for gaiety in their men."

 

Mulderon said, "We will have to ask Mulder. I bet he knows something that might help us."

 

Bane said, "Oh, give them another day at least. The poor guys are down here to enjoy each other not investigate mysteries. We can lure the fellow out with our beautiful mating flights."

 

Certainly, the elusive creature spied on them continuously. He sat in the Flanboiant tree and he was so hot after watching Mulderon and Bane make love that he fanned all the sparks in the Flame-tree. It took most of Honesty's hydrangeas-water to put out the blaze.

 

Finally, Bane agreed they should consult Mulder. Mulderon was magnanimous and didn't mention that he was right again more then the necessary handful of times. They found Mulder reading a collection of local myths and legends. He and Alex were on the balcony of their hotel, draped over lounge chairs and sipping from enormous iced drinks. Alex was nowhere near the rail, of course. They were enjoying the perfect weather at dusk and the beautiful skyline view. Mulderon noted that Alex appeared quite content and had even discarded his prosthetic arm and was not wearing a shirt, much less a long-sleeved one. Actually, Alex was not wearing anything at all and was well on his way to becoming a nut-brown lad. Mulderon approved totally and couldn't help a little kiss for Alex. He loved Bane, but Alex would always have a special place in his heart.

 

Mulder mulled and then murmured. "I have it. Your oracle said, 'The pain of rain falls mainly on the spiritual plane.' In Yanomamo culture, there are four planes of existence. One is our world where living people go about their lives. The highest level is almost empty now, because that is where the creation happened and all the creatures have now fallen to lower levels. The second highest level is the land of spirits where the soul lives after death. The third level is where discontent spirits walk. I think that your sad creature that rains tears is a Yanomamo ghost that somehow has become a European fairy."

 

Alex commented, "Damn, he's good and, in this case, I think he is onto something nearly as hot as my ass. Hey, Mulder, why don't you tell them what you want them to find for you."

 

Mulder blushed and said, "Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid is one of my favorite movies. They died in Bolivia and I would like to visit their graves after we leave Brazil. Can you find them after you solve the mystery of the weeping fairy?"

 

Mulderon said, "Of course. Hey, while we're here..."

 

Bane delicately sat in a bowl of water and soaked. He had been so over-cum that he and Mulderon had to resort to human means to remove it. The humans were both sleeping heavily. They lacked the stamina of his new species. Mulderon conjured a sixty-nine cloud, which was sixty points better than a cloud nine, to fly them home. He did so love eating on an airy plane. 

 

Back at the garden, Honesty barbecued a pig, roasted a turkey, and stewed plantains. She had prepared a Yanomamo feast according to Mulder's notes. She winced as even Mulder's written notes were off-key and could not carry a tune. She had drawn the line at the roasted monkey. That was too authentic for her tastes. The food smelled wonderful and the tape of traditional drumming and chanting was interesting. Mulderon and Bane had piled up CD jewel cases made out of rubies, citrines, and diamonds, along with a number of seashells, some Cracker Jack prizes, and other gewgaws to appeal to the lost fairy.

 

Surely enough, the fairy was drawn out. He danced into the garden, throwing out his chest and singing a bragging song. He was much smaller then Bane and Mulderon, a very diminutive creature, who could have fit in one of the seashells. In fact, as he realized that he was caught, he hid in one of Honesty's collection.

 

Honesty snatched the shell up and said, "Oh, that was given to my husband by Margaret Mead, many years ago. She said a Yanomamo shaman gave it to her. You don't suppose that is how he came to be trapped in my garden?"

 

Mulderon stamped his feet and glared at the former nymph. He shouted, "I wanted to say that!"

 

Honesty was a lovely person and very patient. She took the words from her mouth, enclosed them in a tidy speech balloon and handed them to Mulderon. Mulderon attached the speech properly and declared, "My theory is that this shell was given to your husband by Margaret Mead. A shaman gave it to her and that is how the Yanomamo was trapped in your garden."

 

Honesty winked at Bane and clapped her hands, saying, "What a brilliant theory, Mulderon. I am sure that I would never have figured that out."

 

Honesty lured the cowering fairy out with candied violet petals. He saw that she was worthy of trust and that she could not lie about wanting to help him. He consented to sit down for the feast. 

 

Honesty's husband never quite believed that she really had been a sea nymph and he couldn't see the fairies, but he loved her and pretended that he could. He was very funny when he pretended to talk to them, facing in an opposite direction. Honesty scolded the fairies for teasing and forbid any mischief to prove their existence. 

 

After Honesty's husband went in for a nap, the three supernatural creatures and the one human, formerly known as a nymph, sat down to hear the fairy's story. 

 

The tiny former Yanomamo said, "My name is Ariwara. I lived in the village of Monou-teri until my village was raided and the aliens, from the next village, took my sister. Naturally, my brothers and myself tried to get her and the other women back. I was very brave because Kaya-Kaya, he who was my secret love was also with us. An arrow pierced my heart and I went to live in the other world of Hedu-ka-misi. I was never content though and always I watched after Kaya-Kaya.

 

Some very bad men came to our village and they carried Kaya-Kaya away where I could not follow. I knew I must go and save him, but I could not go beyond the village on my own. Then the woman who talks and makes pictures came. Every one in the village made up big and amazing lies to tell her and she was very happy. I slipped into a shell that she was given as a gift and I thought she could take me to the village where the big, noisy Howari people live. I thought all the hairy white monkeys came from the same place, but I am wise now and know they have many villages. I would leave and search, but there is a jaguar spirit howling right outside the wall. I know he means to gobble me up if I step out. So what am I to do?"

 

Bane fingered his emerald sword and thought that he could take care of part of the problem. He said, "Don't worry. I'll take care of the jaguar."

 

Mulderon chided, "Don't be so quick. We need to study this."

 

Bane sneered just as Alex did. He said, "You study it. I'm going to take a nap.

 

Mulderon sighed as he watched his lover's hot cross buns depart. He hoped his dear one was not planning to go off half-baked.

 

Sure enough, when Mulderon was done with searching the ethereal net for references on spirit jaguars, weeding out the links to cars, poetry, tigers and the random totally unrelated nuisance suggestions, Bane was not waiting with parted cheeks for the latest probing inquiry by his curious lover. Mulderon sighed and set out to find his errant Bane. He was going to need a case of whipping cream, full of cat o' nine tails for the occasion once he found his impulsive mate.

 

The property outside of Honesty's bower might look like an untended lot to the human eyes. To a fairy, it was a jungle, immense and full of peril. Mulderon made sure that he was implemented by the imp arsenal he always carried on dangerous missions. Yes, he was ready for battle.

 

Mulderon wandered through the lot, occasionally yelling, "Bane, Bane, come back." 

 

A laconic cowboy strolled by and sat on a stump. He said, "Good, I was afraid it was that kid again."

 

A very cute little boy ran out of the bushes and yelled, "Shane, Shane, come back."

 

The lean cowboy got up so fast he tore the stump out of the ground. He said, "Dang, that always happens." Off they went, cowboy and kid before Mulderon even had a chance to ask if they had seen Bane.

 

Mulderon's only negative encounters were an army ant recruiting booth that was set right next to their rivals, the bees. The buzz was that the bees had stolen the army ant's catchy slogan of 'BEE ALL YOU CAN BEE.' The ants wanted to impress him into their ranks, but Mulderon thought their pissant ranks stunk and was not even mildly interested, much less impressed. The bees tried to lure him to join them with honey, but Mulderon could tell right away that it was a sting operation. When the bees and the ants insisted that he stay, Mulderon called up a swat team and that was the end of that adventure. 

 

As he turned left by the right fork, which lay next to a discarded plastic spoon; Mulderon saw three white asses; one of them was a sweet-eyed, winged albino burro. It grazed next to an animated winged bike. 

 

The other asses were displaying wonderful fairy acrobatics. Mulderon took a few notes and was ready with a placard reading "9.6." He only took points off at all because no one did it better than Bane and himself.

 

The fairy on the bottom yelled, "Ahh, that six shooter of yours is fully loaded, Kid."

 

The top fairy rose and sprawled in the air. He was a handsome fairy, covered with shining gold dust. He had cloven hooves with a suggestion of spurs. He had goat-like horns springing from his tawny hair. He had the wings of a golden eagle and fluffed, spotted down on his lower half. His face was narrow with a heroic jaw, a straight and perfectly sized nose, and a generous mouth. He had a mole and dimples on his face. His eyes were a sky-blue with not a cloud in sight. He was a sweet blend of supernatural creatures. 

 

"Afternoon" said the faun.

 

Afternoon of a Faun, hmm, that rang a bell, ay. However, Mulderon was curious about these two very American fairies in this Brazilian place. He bowed in the air and announced, "I am Mulderon, the Diaspora-guide who always get his manna. Who are you?" 

 

The faun-fairy said, "I am the Sundance Faun-Kid, but you can call me Kid as I can see you are a friendly prick."

 

Mulderon patted his ready tool and grinned. He was always faithful to Bane, except when he was not, but these fairies were delightful. Perhaps they should have a trolling meet, an ogre-y fest once he had found his Bane.

 

The second fairy had the wings of Raven, a trickster, with five aces up his sleeve. He had a noble Roman nose, much crooked from breaks. He had a short, but statue-perfect neck. He had slim hips and a cock that could inspire oodles of odes. This fairy had sapphire eyes, framed with wonderful laugh wrinkles. His grin was delightfully wicked and as aslant as the set of his nose. He announced, "I used to be Butch Cassidy, but I woke with another name in my head. I think that I am Butch Puck-A-Day now."

 

Mulderon sensed that these former humans had not been evil, but they had been far from innocent. He drew a screen from the air and noted that the colors had bled out to sepia. He saw the men, talking, binding injuries and rushing out to be killed. He heard them call each other's name as they perished. Ah, that was it. 

 

They had become fair folk because of the unresolved clause that said that great-unresolved loves should have another fey chance. It looked as if they had well used their gift and certainly their unremitting efforts to imbue the neighborhood with health and cheer showed every place, but in their immediate surroundings. That was an oddity.

 

Butch Puck-A-Day remarked, "I reckon this isn't Bolivia so I figure Sundance and I fell through the cracks and missed hell by a long shot. All that I remember is seeing Sundance fall and wishing just once that I said and did what was in my heart. I woke up sitting on a grave. I reached to scratch an itch and I found that I had wings. I looked and there was the Kid with those cute little horns. Had me worried for a moment until I figured out we were both the same sort of thing, just a little different from each other."

 

The Faun-Kid said, "Butch and I sat around for a while. Etta came to visit, but she didn't see us. We tagged along in her luggage and she came here, for some reason. We went to stretch our legs and Etta was gone. She was no Place."

 

Butch Puck-A-Day said, "Got all we need here anyway," he smiled at his partner in crime.

 

Mulderon asked, "I wonder if you have seen this passing fairy?" He showed them a memory of a freshly fucked Bane."

 

Both fairies had to pick up their jaws from the ground and reattach them before they could answer. Then, they said, "No, we would have remembered that babe."

 

"Bane, not babe" Mulderon corrected. 

 

The faun-fairy said, "He looks more like a babe to us. You bring him around and I'll show some of my fancy shooting."

 

Butch Puck-A-Day added, "I like your vision, Kid. Always did."

 

Mulderon frowned, but he let it go. He knew Bane loved his fancy moves the best anyway. Mulderon asked, "Have you seen anything of a supernatural Jaguar."

 

"Oh, him," Puck-A-Day said, decking himself out with a card trick. "He is an unhappy Indian were-jaguar. Apparently his lover is on the other side of the wall, but wards keep him from entering to reunite with him. I have to conjure a mountain of shoes to throw at him to stop his caterwauling some nights."

 

 

Puck-A-Day gaze fell on his lover and it was as if it was the first time that he had ever caught sight of the handsome fairy. He fell on him, enveloping his cock in his mouth and; around it murmuring, "I could just eat it up with a spoon." They rose skyward, golden eagle and raven in yin and yang harmony, dancing in the sun.

 

Mulderon would have stayed to watch, but he had to find Bane before he killed the jaguar. A fairy spelled gem-sword could kill even a supernatural creature. He used his sense of dick-rection to guide him. He should have thought of that before, but the multi story plot grounded him from having that spark of an idea.

 

His cock led Mulderon just as if he was a normal human male to an arena formed by a discarded tire. He had to wait in line as a tick-et sucked a fee of blood from everyone who wanted in the arena. He noticed that all kinds of insects and small creatures had paid to see some event. He saw Bane standing proudly with his emerald sword. A small man who was part jaguar and part Yanomamo faced him off. 

 

The jaguar had a beautiful man's face, which was like a brown mask, painted with a jaguar's markings. The creature had extraordinary jet black eyes. His body was partially covered in yellow fur that was marked with a beautiful pattern of rosettes, each outlined with circles of black. The were-jaguar had furry ears like a cat and a tail that lashed back and forth. Mulderon sensed that he could magic the creature into a fairy once he was reunited with his love. 

 

The Yanomamo had met the rule of dying heroically. He had died trying to rescue children who were being herded from a village that was not even his village. Unfortunately, his terrible death at the hands of his captors had made his hatred of the Europeans so complete that it blinded him to transformation. He would need to see that there were good men and women in all races in order to be free.

 

The Were-Jaguar had a jade sword and jade claws on his toes and fingers. He taunted Bane, like a French man, with much shaking of his ass and his sword. 

Mulderon was not worried for his lover except that it was a very unfortunate thing to thwart true love. Bane had been a highly trained soldier in his human form. As a fairy, he was fearless and bold.

 

The Were-Jaguar snarled, "I will not go back to the house of pain. The bad men will not enslave me and put their collars on me again!"

 

Mulderon got an image of an island with some sort of horrific experiments on humans and animals. That was why the men had taken the Yanomamo and that was why they wanted the children. He wondered if this was another cloning laboratory for that consortium thing that Mulder and Alex opposed?

 

Bane declared, "I enslave no one! You are keeping a lost soul from seeking out his beloved."

 

Before Mulderon could stop the, Bane and the were-jaguar were fighting. Green blood was spilling, killing the nearby plants. Every living thing quelled from the violation in the ley lines. Mulderon saw that both Bane and the Were-Jaguar were berserk. Nothing ordinary could stop them.

 

Mulderon really was a bright and resourceful fairy. He instantly knew what he had to do. He had to bring Ariwara here to stop Kaya-Kaya, the were-jaguar.

 

Ariwara was cowering in the Nautilus Shell again when Mulderon popped in to the garden, plopping right in the middle of the birdbath because he miscalculated his landing. He climbed wearily out, having expended a vast store of power getting back here in time. Ariwara argued, "Kaya-Kaya cannot be a were-jaguar. They are cannibals who eat humans. They are terrible creatures that will eat your soul so you can never be happy in the over world of Hedu-ka-misi."

 

Mulderon sighed and said, "Well, it is very obvious that you did not really love Kaya-Kaya. If you loved him, you would not care what form in which he was robed." Mulderon turned as if to leave, but Ariwara launched at him and clawed him.

 

Mulderon fluttered his dragon fly wings to preen them. He said, "Do you want to see Kaya-Kaya or not."

 

Soft tears dewed the garden, some turned into diamonds as they fell. Ariwara nodded. He said, "I will always love Kaya-Kaya even if he eats me up. Take me to him."

 

Honesty had come out to see why her windows were fogging up. She saw the dew and the diamonds dropping from Ariwara's eyes. She scooped him up and pocketed the diamonds as well. The gems were only industrial grade, but they might be good for something. 

 

Mulderon explained and Honesty grabbed the shell with Ariwara and ran as fast as she could run. Mulderon flew in front, signaling like a bee leading another to water or sweet blooms. 

 

Ariwara jounced in Honesty's painter-smock's pocket with his hands over his eyes. Honesty fell to her knees by the tire-arena. The tick-et wanted a big drink of her salty blood, but she slapped the nasty thing to a pulp. She held out her palm with Ariwara, standing on it. He yelled in Yanomamo language, but Kaya-Kaya was too embroiled in battle to notice.

 

Honesty bit her lip and started to reach in to grab Bane, but Mulderon said, "Don't, their swords might make you very ill if they strike you. I can't stop them either. You'd think it was Highlander or something!"

 

Honesty reached for her handkerchief, as this was very sad. She felt the diamond tears in her smock-pocket instead and grasped them hard. She really should not have had any magic left because she was human now, but she had her loving heart. She wished with all might and threw the diamonds down. They turned to a magic drenching. This had a cooling effect on Bane.

 

Kaya-Kaya raised his jade sword to take advantage of the interference, then one of the tears landed on his mouth like a crystal kiss. He licked his well-defined upper lip and tasted his lover in the saline. He looked up and saw Ariwara held in the pale skinned Howari woman's hand. He realized that she had brought him his beloved and his heart melted from his obsidian.

 

Ariwara flew down to his lover. The jaguar's claws became mere nails, although a little long, and his sharp teeth receded. Ariwara tried very hard to lift both of them into the air for their nuptial flight, but it needed two pairs of wings. Mulderon had kissed all of Bane's wounds well and he was ready for a flight of his own. 

 

First, Mulderon concentrated and the jaguar's shoulders grew nubbins of wings. Then they stretched and became the most wonderful things, covered with jaguar fur instead of feathers, but magnificent and functional. The new fairy kept his furry cat ears and his long tail. 

 

As Ariwara embraced his furry lover, Kaya-Kaya's chest made a low rumbling sound. The winged cat-fairy was purring. Ariwara grinned and his short, fast humming bird wings sang a beautiful song and elevated him. Kaya-Kaya looked in equal wonder at his new body and at his beloved. At last, he stretched out his wings, which were so new that they were still drying in the sun.

 

Ariwara and Kaya-Kaya circled twice over Honesty's head before they flew higher. She smiled at them, feeling that she had been part of a miracle. Bane and Mulderon watched them and then joined hands. They kissed tenderly, each brushing the softest of wings over Honesty and lifted her in flight She laughed as she left the ground. They carried her and lowered her carefully into her garden where her husband was looking for her. Each fairy kissed her lips before leaving. Her favorite cat meowed in wonder as his mistress came floating down. Honesty's husband, gaped and said, "Honey, uh, where have you been?"

 

Honesty only smiled mysteriously and picked up her cat to walk in the house and her husband followed, thinking that he had the most interesting wife even if he didn't quite understand her.

 

Mulderon grinned and tumbled head over tail in the air. Bane was not one to mistake an invitation. He leapt and connected essentially to his lover and they vaulted into the blue sky

 

It was raining. This obscure little cemetery was not on any tourist map. Butch Puck-A-Day and the Sundance Faun-Kid had remembered starting their journey to the vacant lot from here. The gravestone was very simple and worn. Etta Place had paid for it. She must have moved their bodies here, knowing how much they had hated Bolivia in the end.

 

It said, "Los Banditos Yanqui," no name, one grave, but from one side of the grave grew a red rose and from the other, a briar. They met over the top of the grave, embracing, impossible to separate, as beautiful as undying love can be.

 

The Fairies flew overhead, only interested for a moment in the human's graves. Even Bruce Puck-A-Day and The Sundance Faun-Kid were not much interested. The bodies they had left behind were shells and they were forever free to mate on the wing, never separated, love realized and eternal.

 

Mulder knelt in the dust and Alex stood over him, fingering one of the roses. Alex pricked his finger and yelped, "Ouch,"

 

Mulder caught the finger and kissed the drop of blood away. He followed it up, pressing his lips to the pulsing vein within the curve of the elbow. He looked up at Alex and said, "I love you."

 

Alex peeled the sharp edges from the rose, keeping the thorns for himself, as he always would do for Mulder when he could. He handed the rose without thorns to Mulder who pressed the petals to his lips. Alex knelt and Mulder kissed him instead. Alex never used words to say he loved Mulder, but Mulder knew.

He really knew.

 

They walked away from the grave hand in hand and although they had no wings, some part of them soared with the fairies above their heads.

 

The end, for now.

 

 

E-mail address for feedback: ursula4x@Aol.com 

Ursula's Page 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: Q popped in and noticed that he was in the wrong fan fiction. He saw Mulder and Alex and decided that he didn't care. I had to fight him tooth and nail for the guys. Jeff Spender has read ahead in the scripts; seeing The End, he volunteered to explore the galaxy with Q. Better sQ'ed then dead. Chris Carter should be grateful that I saved Mulder and Krycek from the alien. As for Q, I'll stick the letter of the law. The alphabet belongs to no man. All other familiar plots are not grounds on which to sue.


End file.
